Pet Peeves

• when people correct me
• couples that sit on the same side of the table 
• when people tell me to eat
•  when people don’t answer me
• chasing after a ping pong ball
• when someone doesn’t put the cap back on the toothpaste
• when people leave my room but don’t close the door, when you send a long message and that person just says “K”
• when skinny people think they are fat
• people that scrape their teeth against their silverware
• people who ask “can I ask you a question?” YOU DIDN’T REALLY GIVE ME A CHOICE,DID YA?
• shopping carts with a broken wheel.
• P30p13 \/\/h0 t@lk l!k3 D!$
• public display of affection
• clicky pens and people that click them.
• when people don’t finish their sent….
• when guys are quick to ask for head

I know I’m skinny and far from fat but the 7 lbs I gained during camp is killing my confidence. Who knew you could gain that much in 4 days.? Believe it or not I’ve always struggled with my weight. In middle school i weighed 115 and once i started new medication I went down 100. It hurts to hear people think I’m anorexic or bulimic and i don’t’ hate anything more than people mentioning my weight. Like yeah, I know I’m skinny. I own a mirror, thanks.  With the extra 7 pounds I hate the way I look, hate the way I feel about myself. I just want it to go away. But everyone else seems to like it… UGH why does weight have to mean so much to people.

A Stable Structure Is What I Need.

Someone with a outstanding personality that fits perfectly with mine. Someone who is cute and adorable. A person who has that smile that I notice from across the room. Someone who seems so innocent but isn’t entirely. Someone who is open to communicate and be open with me. Someone who will do things for me in return to what i do for them. Someone who will sing to me even if they don’t have the best voice, but they do it because they know it will make me smile. Someone who admires the simple things life has to offer and doesn’t take anything for granted. Someone who has the soul of an angel and the determination of one who will never give up. Someone who has faith in things and hope. Someone who wont let me fall to a broken mess because they will be there to mend my cracks and bruises. Someone who is simple with the tad bit of complexity. Someone who wants to do something with their life, rather than watch others do what they wish they would. Someone who can act like a little kid at times of getting overly excited over something. Someone who is a wishful thinker but doesn’t wish out of reach. Someone who can tell me everything will be okay and i can trust in them it will be. Someone who has delicate eyes that i can get lost in. Someone who doesn’t care just about themselves. They care enough to ask me how i am doing even when things seem perfectly fine. Someone who i can cuddle with and watch movies and giggle and bury my head in their chest. Someone i can lay awake with at night and just talk with. Someone who will hold me on the nights where I cant sleep. Someone who will love me for who i am and not want to change me into what they want me to be. I want someone who will be who they are not just around me but around everyone. Someone who can make me laugh, yet make me cry at something so sweet they say. I just look for someone who is real, someone who needs me just as badly as i need them. Someone who i can trust with my life. Someone i can fall asleep with feeling protected. Someone who will stick by my side no matter what happens. Someone who i can love. Someone who can mend my broken heart.

Don’t you hate it, when people try to change you? You’re obviously happy with who you are, why do they have to come and try to change it all? You don’t live to please them, you’re living for yourself.

People Walking Out of My Life.

I don’t feel hurt when someone walks out of my life anymore. I’m just so used to the feeling of having someone leave that I don’t feel sad about it. I talk to someone and they feel as though I’m not interested only because I like to keep my wall up. I know I shouldn’t but it’s the way I am. Just because I don’t seem interested doesn’t mean I’m not. Then again, if you want to leave, go ahead. Makes no difference to me.

The fact is that you probably know a friend or a family member who has been sexually abused. Maybe they’ve even considered telling you about their experience before— at least, they did until you shut them out with your rape jokes.  How many people in your life will never be able completely trust you, will never feel safe around you because of that? 10? 20? 30? It could be your mother, your brother, your daughter, or your best friend.

You might never know. 

I tend to show off a different side of me. I show off the part when I could get hurt in a snap. I mean I’m much more sensitive with everything that person does. It’s really saddening but I mean just as long I’m showing my real side to the person I like, it all pays off.

Life is just one fucked up thing to the next. You get told some shit and start to believe it, then just get let down. Nothing ever happens the way you hope or want it too, thats life. You get stoked for something then it you just get let down, or at least thats what happens to me. So life is a fucked up thing, you get messed with in your head and just realize anything good that you hope happens isn’t a good thing at all cause sooner or later you’re going to get let down cause it always happens. You realize you aren’t good enough, and that there is always someone better, then one day you accept that. That is fucking life.

Have you ever felt?

Like you don’t know what’s going on anymore. Like you don’t care about anything anymore. You’ve lost motivation to do anything. Your mind is set on too many things that you are confused about your feelings, and you can’t explain how you feel either. The feeling of emptiness, and feeling that barely anyone is there for you. Feeling that no one understands you anymore. And it seems like there is nothing to look forward to anymore.